Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
