Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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