We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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