He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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