I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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