Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
