His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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