Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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