i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
