there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
