The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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