been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
