How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
