I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
