So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
