I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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