If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
