I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
