How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
