this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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