and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
