she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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