When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
