If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
