What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
