just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She told me I should be a condom model.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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