Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
