I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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