i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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