So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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