So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
