I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
