So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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