put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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