Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Someone signed my nipple.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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