Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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