woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Enjoy the penises
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
