i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
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Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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