seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
