i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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