On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
