that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
