I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had to cum in my sink.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
