what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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