I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Mom said you looked used
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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