Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
