just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we're making bets on your personal life
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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