My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
