you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
