I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This beer is not sobering me up at all
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
