When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
