Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
