Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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