How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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