Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
