Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
