Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
a search helicopter?!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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