no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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