The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
