i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
