Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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