1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
