It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
True college students do jello shots in the library
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
