We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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